I received this book for free from the library in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.Alien Education by Gini Koch
Genres: Science Fiction, Romance
Published by DAW Books Pages: 496
on May 2, 2017
Source: the library
Buy on Amazon
Also by this author: Alien Collective, Universal Alien, Alien in Chief, Alien Nation, Camp Alien
Fifteenth (already!) in the Katherine “Kitty” Katt romantic science fiction — and humorous — series and revolving around Kitty Katt-Martini, our new First Lady.
It’s always an adventure in this textual comic with all the overblown abilities and the craziness of superheroes and enemies with the musically inspired Kitty, and Alien Education doesn’t disappoint, especially with that first person protagonist point-of-view from Kitty’s perspective. She is the cra-cra girl in this series, so it makes perfect sense, lol.
I do enjoy trying to figure out what the clues are from the music Algar plays for Kitty when she’s in action mode. And things do get pretty exciting with all the replicas of our side running around. Ya just don’t know who to believe in this. And it’s not just the -Bots wreaking havoc, it’s Prince Wasim’s arrival and how to protect and welcome him, the surprise attack of the Back-to-School bake sale and Charmaine’s attitude, the attacks at the schools, the “planned” party, and the flying-pucks fight at the game — dance to the beat!
The annoying part of this was how much time Koch spent on rehashing past events and fitting people in, in their various Operations, aka, stories, i.e., the first half of the book! And there are so many characters! Kitty picks ‘em up and does not let go. And not just friends, but also fake people and enemies.
Oh, oh, oh…Kitty may be crazy, but wait’ll you hear the Tinkerer’s proposal! ROFLMAO.
As if learning as much as possible about every alien race in the galaxy, fending off the advances of both business and personal from a variety of Hollywood types, dealing with the assimilation of various alien races, and navigating the Embassy Daycare kids’ first day of “real” school wasn’t bad enough, President and First Lady Jeff and Kitty Katt-Martini must now deal with new robotic attacks that endanger every alien child on Earth, the resurgence of a bigger, nastier Club 51, and a variety of murders, all while facing the most truly terrifying organization they’ve ever encountered — the school’s Parent-Teacher Association.
Katherine “Kitty” Katt-Martini, a.k.a., Megalomaniac Girl, is a human with enhanced abilities who is married to the “Alien of Aliens”, Jeff Martini, who fell into being President of the United States. He’s the world’s strongest empath. Hmmm, I almost typoed “Sates”, and that would apply to Jeffrey as well, lol. He’s part of the Annocusal Royal Family from the Alpha Centauri solar system who were exiled. Because he was heir to the throne but refused it, the Alpha Four have declared him King Regent of Earth. Yep, that means Kitty is both First Lady and Queen Regent. Jamie-Kat is their very talented daughter who also functions as a vessel for ACE. Charlie is their ten-month-old who has a scary ability for telekinesis. Oh, and Kitty also has Dr. Doolittle powers.
Kitty’s best male friend, Charles “Chuckie” Reynolds, is the director of the CIA; he was widowed when Naomi Gower “died”. Barnaby “Bud/Brad?” Ramsey and Carlton “Cujo” Shepherd had been on the Florida State football team and want to join the CIA. Angela Katt, a.k.a., Nana Angela, is the head of the Presidential Terrorism Control Unit (PTCU) and Kitty’s mother. Kevin Lewis is Angela’s right-hand man and married to the equally gorgeous Denise. Devon Jones is a PTCU agent. Evander Horn is now secretary of Homeland Security. Tom Curran took Horn’s place as director of the FBI.
Amy Gaultier-White was one of Kitty’s best girlfriends in high school; she’s married to Christopher White, one of the best imageers among the A-Cs and the one with all the Patented Glares. Their new baby daughter is Rebecca Ann Gaultier-White. Sheila was/is Kitty’s other bestie. Elizabeth “Lizzie” Jackson Vrabel, a.k.a., Quick Girl, was adopted by Siler and is Kitty’s ward. Nadine Alexis, Colette’s sister, is the nanny.
The White House
Rajnish Singh, a troubadour, is Jeff’s Chief of Staff. Antoinette Reilly is the chief usher. Chef is in charge of the kitchens. P-Chef is the official executive pastry chef. Dr. Tito Hernandez, a mixed martial arts fighter, is the in-house doctor. Melanie and Emily are Lorraine and Claudia’s AC mothers and part of the White House medical staff. Benjamin Siler Vrabel, a.k.a., Mister Dash and Monsieur Meurtrier, a half-human, half-A-C (Madeline Siler Cartwright had been his mother and Ronald Yates his father), is part of Team Tough Guys and used to work with the uncles, Peter “the Dingo” and Victor “Surly Vic” Kasperoff, a premier assassination team.
Vance Beaumont is her chief of staff; he’s married to the head lobbyist for Big Tobacco, Guy Gadoire. Colette Alexis, a troubadour, is her press secretary (and part of the stealth A-C CIA). Abner Schnekedy is her chief decorator and floral designer; he’s married to Lillian Culver, the top lobbyist for the defense industry. Nancy Maurer is her White House social secretary and head of the Graphics and Calligraphy Office; the former VP nominee Cameron Maurer, who was partially androidized, is her son (Alien Nation, 14). Chance and Cassidy Maurer are Nancy’s grandchildren. Akiko is a fashion designer on exclusive retainer for Kitty and the A-Cs. Francine Alexis is Kitty’s body double (and part of the stealth A-C CIA).
Len Parker and Kyle Constantine are Kitty’s personal driver and bodyguard. Evalyne Green is the head of Kitty’s Secret Service detail; Phoebe Manning is Evalyne’s second-in-command. Manfred, a troubadour, is the head of Kitty’s A-C detail, which also includes Daniel and Marcus (both empaths) and Joshua and Lucas who are imageers. Joseph is the head of Jeff’s Secret Service detail with Rob as part of Jeff’s detail. Keith heads up the security team for the kids. Walter Ward is the unofficial head of security at the White House; Malcolm Buchanan with his Dr. Strange powers is the official head.
Elaine Armstrong, widow of the late president, is now secretary of state. Nathalie Gagnon-Brewer, widow of Rep. Edmund Brewer, is now secretary of transportation. The Joint Chiefs of Staff include Uncle Mort Katt who is chairman. Senator Donald McMillan is another friend who is trusted. Caroline Chase is a sorority sister of Kitty’s and McMillan’s aide. Fritz Hochberg is vice-president. Howie is the upset secretary of education.
Alpha-Centaurions (A-Cs) on Earth
Alfred and Lucinda (she makes the best brownies) Martini are Jeff’s parents. Richard White is Christopher’s father, the former Pontifex, and Kitty’s partner in the field; Terry had been Christopher’s mother. Paul Gower is Naomi and Abigail’s brother and the Supreme Pontifex of the Earth A-Cs, the A-C religion. Abigail Gower is Paul’s sister (and seeing Jerry Tucker). Francis Carruthers is Jeff’s brother-in-law working for Ansom Somerall at Gaultier; Constance is Jeff’s sister. Marianne. Jonathan is another of Jeff’s brothers-in-law. Sylvia Price. TCC, a.k.a., The Clarence Clone, has taken Clarence Valentino’s place with the family. Louise is one of Clarence’s daughters; she’ll be a teacher’s aide at Sidwell.
Centaurion Division encompasses…
…various departments for the A-Cs including Airborne Command, Alpha Team, Field, and the A-C CIA. Dulce Science Center is the main base for all of Centaurion Division worldwide where William Ward, a very powerful imageer and Walter’s older brother, is in charge of Dulce Security and security for all of Centurion Division throughout the world.
Airborne for Centaurion Division
Tim Crawford is head of Airborne. Navy pilots Lieutenant Joe Billings and Captain Randy Muir have been partially androidized. Jerry Tucker, Matt Hughes, and Chip Walker are also on the team.
Field and Alpha Team are…
…led by James Reader, a former top international male model, one of Kitty’s two best guy friends, and Paul Gower’s husband. Seems he used to help in his uncle’s kitchen in Vegas to get a break from modeling. Captain Lorraine, a Dazzler, is married to Joe Billings. Captain Claudia Muir, another Dazzler, is married to Randy.
Stealth A-C CIA
Serene Dwyer, Richard White’s very-much-younger sister, is Head of Imageering (with troubadour talents and is an explosives genius) as well as the head of their spy network. She’s married to Brian Dwyer, an astronaut and Kitty’s boyfriend in high school. Raj is her second-in-command. Camilla is a deep cover agent and a natural-born liar; she’s married to Rhee.
The A-C Embassy
Doreen Coleman-Wiseman is the Head Diplomat; Irving is her husband. Denise Lewis runs the Embassy School and Daycare Center. Raymond and Rachel are Denise and Kevin’s equally gorgeous kids. Pierre is the incredibly efficient concierge majordomo. Mahin Sherazi, an A-C hybrid and earthbender, is a cultural attachée along with Abigail. Nurse Magdalena Carter has taken over medical now that Tito is at the White House; she’s also Richard’s main squeeze. Melissa, from Sydney Base, is now running security.
The wife of Andrei, the Romanian ambassador, is Olga Dalca, a former KGB operative confined to a wheelchair these days, who is teaching her granddaughter, Adriana Dalca, to spy. They live across the street from the A-C Embassy.
Hacker International is…
…a small group of the world’s best hackers, including Chernobog the Ultimate and the world’s best hacker, who is Russell Kozlow’s mother (he’s another Yates progeny).
The critters include…
…both alien and regular earth animals. Peregrines are Alpha Four birds raised to protect the royal family. Bruno and Lola are the head birds of the flock sent by the emperor as a gift for Jamie’s first birthday; Edgar is one of the younger ones and attached to Lizzie. Poofs were brought here by Algar, and they’re very affectionate, cute, and protective. Harlie is Head Poof and belongs to Jeff, although Murphy is Jeff’s real Poof; Poofikins is Kitty’s.
Alpha Four is…
…the A-Cs’ home planet which is ruled by Emperor Alexander, Jeff and Christopher’s cousin.
Washington D.C. Police Department
Kitty has been friends with the canine corps from practically the start. Prince, Duke, and Riley are police dogs. Detectives Sawyer and Beckett crash the party to arrest Kitty.
Other allies include…
…Colonel John Butler and former VP nominee Cameron Maurer who have been androidized. Thomas Kendrick is another lobbyist. Prince Gustav Drax of Vatusus is a newcomer. Mister Joel Oliver has risen from being considered a crackpot to the top investigative journalist in the world. Rybelleclies “Bellie” is his African gray parrot who loves the boys. Does Bellie ever do an about-turn!!? I’m still waiting for the shoe to drop on that one! Bruce Jenkins, a.k.a., the Tastemaker, is another of the A-Cs’ media allies. Dion Callan France is a photographer. ACE, a superconsciousness being, has started pulling others into his superconsciousness: Mephistopheles, Antony Marling, and so many others. Sandy is another superconsciousness (Alien Collective, 9). Florida Governor Gideon Cleary had been an enemy and tight with the Mastermind.
King Raheem rules Bahrain. Prince Wasim is his eldest grandson. Captain Naveed Murad is Wasim’s bodyguard. Mona Nejem is the ambassador from Bahrain. Major Khalid Daba is Mona’s bodyguard. Mahdi is an Iman who leads Islam’s rapture.
Ali Baba Gadhavi is the head of a very dangerous Indian mob in Bahrain; Angela enrolls him as their newest expert consultant. Oren, Jakob, and Leah are Mossad agents and friends with the A-Cs and Bahrainis.
Good Day USA is a…
…talk show with the perky Kristie and Adam as the hosts.
The proposed movie Code Name: First Lady is…
…not at all near-and-dear to Kitty’s heart. Jürgen Cologne intends to produce it.
…is “the finest preparatory school in the country”. Miranda Paster is the principal; Hiroki Yamaguchi is the assistant principal. Miss Lisa is one of the teachers. That bitch, Charmaine Cordell, a.k.a., the Evil Kangaroo, is President of the Sidwell Friends School Parent Teacher Association. Trust me, you’ll want to kill her too! Bob is her husband and a venture capitalist.
The kids associated with the A-Cs going to school, include Jamie Katt, Patrick Dwyer, Ross Billings, Sean Muir, and Ezra Weisman for early-starters kindergarten; Jonathan Price II is in first grade; Miriam Price is second grade; Rachel Lewis is third grade; Cassidy Maurer is fourth grade; Kimberly “Kimmie” Price and Raymond Lewis are fifth grade; Chance Maurer is sixth; Elizabeth Vrabel and Anthony Valentino are ninth; Claire Valentino is tenth; and, Sidney Valentino is eleventh. The Kramer kids are at school too, well, they’re actually Zachary’s kids and Marcia’s stepkids: Clinton is a senior, Mason, and Maverick. Seth and Shelby Cordell are that nasty Charmaine’s kids.
The Chupacabras versus the Capitals participate in…
…a fundraiser hockey game. Killer is the Chupacabra mascot. Carcento is the Capitals’ goalie; Bays is the Chups’. Donovan is the Chups’ captain. Pulley is the Chups’ enforcer. Jack Johnson will sing the national anthem. Sandie appears to be PR with the Chupas. Johnny and Mitch are the announcers who take it all in stride.
The Aligned Worlds of the Milky Way Galaxy include:
…Earth and the Solaris System, with Kitty as its ambassador. Some of the aliens we’ve already met include the Reptilians (Iguanadons), Feliniads (Cat People), Canus Majorians (Major Doggies), and the Free Women, a.k.a., Amazons, who are from Beta Twelve with Renata as their queen. She sent her daughters, Rahmi (she’s married to Tito now) and Rhee, to earth ages ago. Muddy Cabbage, Dew Lakes, and Mossy Bark are high-ranking officers in the Turleen Air Force with some fascinating flying skills. Boz on Beta Eight enlightens Chuckie on how the waterfruit affected Kitty and Christopher.
The Galactic Freehold encompass…
…those whom the Yggethnian Jewel of the Sky and the Faradawn Treeship were able to rescue. The Vrierst are interested in settling Jupiter but are currently in Siberia at Nova Netu. The Lyssara create honeycomb shelters.
The Intergalactic School is…
…designed for both alien and human students and is near Dulce Science Center in New Mexico. Three hookers from Alien Nation — Meriel, Rhonda, and Jane — are responsible for the propaganda job at the school. Two street bums — Mickey and Garfield — from the same story are the heads of maintenance and janitorial. Troidl is a Themnir and had been in charge of education on their planet; now she’s in charge here.
The Ancients are…
…actually the Anciannas (and probably the race who created us) and have been at war with the Z’porrah for years. Rudolph “John” Wruck, an Ancient and the only survivor from LaRue’s attack on her own crew, came out to the A-Cs in Alien Nation. LaRue DeMorte Gaultier is an Ancient gone traitor.
The A-Cs think the Operations Team (Kitty refers to them as the Elves) are the ones who do so much work behind the scenes, but it’s actually Algar, a being from the Black Hole Universe who is on the run because he’s a Free Will Fanatic.
Prime among them have been the Masterminds, starting with Ronald Yates, Jeff and Christopher’s grandfather AND Siler’s father. Yates implemented the Yates Bloodline Clause: anyone with a drop of Yates blood can be on the board. Cliff Goodman, formerly best friends with Chuckie and trusted by the A-Cs, was the latest Mastermind.
There are an assortment of “created people”: Fem-Bots, androids, and cyborgs — Kitty-Bots, Christopher-Bots, Amy-Bots, Lizzie-Bots, and so many more, oh my. Herbert Gaultier, Amy’s horrible father, had been behind the cloning. Other designers included Eugene Montgomery and Villanova.
Stephanie Valentino is one of the A-Cs — Jeff and Christopher’s niece, but she’s gone to the bad. She’s allied up with the Tinkerer, a.k.a., Trevor, who had helped her great-grandfather become the First Mastermind. She is/was also Cleary’s aide. Clarence Valentino had been her traitorous father (Alien in the House, 7) who’s been replaced by TCC. More of Jeff’s family gone to the bad include Elizabeth Guerra’s and Lauren Fontana’s older kids: Patricia, Bonnie, and Darius Guerra and Lloyd and Laura Fontana. And their husbands, Oscar Guerra and Nero Fontana, work for YatesCorp.
Doctor Trevor Rattoppare and his “granddaughter” are offering the transition from human to eek!! Senator Zachary Kramer and his wife Marcia are on evil’s side. Simon “Homophobe” Hopkins is an Alcohol lobbyist. Myron Van Dyke is boring.
Dealers of Death are…
…the primarily human bad guys and include Ansom Somerall who is chairman of the board for Gaultier Enterprises; Janelle Gardiner had been part of a triumvirate set to take control of Gaultier (Camp Alien, 13) but ended up needing rescuing herself. Talia Lee, the chief lobbyist for the firearms people, was heavily involved in Camp Alien. YatesCorp and Titan Security (Amos Tobin is in charge there) are more evil corporations.
Hate groups include…
…Club 51 which relocated to the Middle East with Harvey Gutermouth its leader. True Believers are what the members are called. Mr. Not My Queen is one of them. The Church of Hate and Intolerance is led by Farley Pecker.
The Z’porrah are dino-birds intent on destroying everyone not them with a “deep-seated hatred of the Ancients”.
An OVS is an Organic Validation Sensor intended to determine if the “person” is human. Dazzlers are Kitty’s word for the A-C women: they’re gorgeous as well as mathematical, scientific, and medical geniuses. Surcenthumain is a drug that enhances A-C abilities. Empaths feel people’s emotions all the time; imageers could manipulate and read any image; and troubadours can affect people using their voice, expressions, and body language.
Monica Strauss is the late, unlamented Secretary of State. The Washington Wives’ class had been in Alien Diplomacy, 5, and taught by Darcy Lockwood. Michael Gower at the end of Alien Research, 8. Gladys Gower had been in charge of A-C security at one point.
The Cover and Title
The cover is a battle scene from the hockey game with a grays and blues background as the besuited Jeff swings his stick and a Kitty in ripped jeans and a black-white-red V-neck T keeps an eye out to see which tentacled puck she’s gonna hit. The title is at the top in a two-tone pink and sky blue while the author’s name is in white at the bottom left. An info blurb, in white, is just under the title.
The title covers Alien Education two ways: Kitty has to learn all those protocols for each alien planet becoming part of the earth alliance and the Embassy kids are going off to “real” school. Eeek!